How can I change my personality and gain confidence?


STOP making assumptions.

In my view, stopping the habit of making assumptions is the fastest way to becoming confident. Let me provide you with a few examples:

  • A colleague has invited you for a meal. During the meal, you constantly speak and don’t allow room for any silence. You do this because you assume that it is your job to take charge of the conversation.
  • There is a girl that you really like. Right before approaching her, you make eye contact and within a second she looks away. You don’t approach because you assume that she doesn’t want to be bothered.
  • At work, you don’t put up a fight for your promotion even though you really deserve it. You don’t resign either. You leave it to your employer to promote you whenever the time is right because you assume that they see your hard work and will reward you when the time is right.
  • You don’t take big risks in life and instead, build a safety zone around your finances. You really don’t want to drop your standards of living because you assume that you won’t be able to cope with changes.
  • Your friends have been invited to a party, but to your disappointment, you were not invited. You contemplate on it, thinking that you were not wanted there. You assume that they specifically decided not to invite you, rather than perhaps simply forgetting to invite you.
  • You send a message to an old friend. She sees it but doesn’t respond. You assume that she’s somehow mad at you and that she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

The list goes on. When you assume, you make a subjective judgment of reality, rather than an objective one. You need to realize that most of the time, things are not about you. Your employer may simply want to save money by not promoting you. Your friend who’s not responsive may be dealing with an issue. The girl that you were about to approach may just be shy.

Stop assuming things until you have factual proof about it. I guarantee that implementing the habit of not assuming will skyrocket your confidence.

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